The Long Awaited


Hey Zoobs, All Stars, and everyone in between!

If you have been a member of the Church for any amount of time, you’ve most likely been taught the value of waiting.

Waiting for eternal life. Waiting for the right person. The long wait for intimacy. Even waiting for third hour to be over so you can gorge yourself on that Munch and Mingle meal, because you’re waiting for the day when you’re not a poor college kid and can afford to buy all the food you want to eat always.

Today’s story is one about patience, and persistence. Sometimes, all you need to do is to persevere…and sometimes all you need is to FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

This story comes from a few years back. A girl just moved into a ward, and she was meeting people in the area. She happened to stumble into a different ward in her church building, and she met a guy named Greg. He was pretty rad and they hit it off right away.

However, this is not a story about Greg…

The girl kept going to her own ward for a while, since she hadn’t had the DTR yet with Greg, and everything seemed to be working out great for her. (You see in Provo, apparently the rule is that you HAVE to date outside your ward. Something about peeing in the pool. IDK, man. There are a lot of rules here.)

So one Sunday, she is approached by a guy from her ward. His name is Jerry. He chats her up, and asks her out. Because JERRY DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THE PEE RULE.

But homegirl is still dating Greg, so she politely turns him down.


Alternatively though, that seems to only make Jerry more interested. He continues to ask her out for the next 6 months. Around that time, she breaks up with Greg, but has gotten to know Jerry enough to know that she is suuuuper not interested.

And yet, for 3 more months, he keeps asking. Despite her rejections.

But one day she concedes and decides that if he is this determined, maybe he deserves a shot. He asks her what she is doing the next Tuesday. She can’t think of anything, so she accepts the date.

Unfortunately for her, she did not realize it was Valentine’s Day. However, despite her hatred for said holiday, and general aversion to this guy, she tries to give it a shot.


Their date was set for 7PM

All is quiet…

Still nothing

He calls to say he will be late. (DUR DUH DUR.)

Jerry knocks on her door. No real excuse, but he did have some of those candy hearts.

They sit in his car. He asks what she wants to do that night.

Ok sorry, we are pausing. He did not, after 9 MONTHS of asking this girl out, plan a date. Nothing says “hey you’re special,” like an unplanned evening.

She informs him that she is hungry, so they should probably eat some food.

He drives around for a while, but it’s Valentines Day, so most places have an hour or so wait.

They get a seat at Texas Roadhouse.

For the rest of the evening, the girl stays all but silent as Jerry talks on and on about his many accomplishments. Pausing only briefly to let her know that she can get ANYTHING she wants on the menu, because money is not an issue for him, or to flirt with the waitress.

Among his accomplishments is the portrait he had done of himself, sitting at a piano (which he doesn’t play) pondering deeply in a suit and some jewelry.

At some point in the night, the girl actually asked Jerry and the waitress if she should leave so the two of them (Jerry and the waitress) could have the date. The waitress ran off, embarrassed, and Jerry told the girl that he was just messing around. Because hitting on other girls in front of your date is SUCH A FUNNY JOKE.

so funny

Once dinner was over, the girl requested to just be taken home. Although Jerry tried to convince her to come over to his house, or to just drive around for a while, she demanded that he drop her off.

Standing at her doorstep, he goes in for a kiss, which she rejects.

Jerry then announced what a great time he had on the date, and asked when they could go out again. Floored, the girl just said “no,” and went in the house.

She just ignored his calls for a while and eventually he gave up.

Which would have been the end of the story, until about 3 years later, when this girl would meet some guys that would invite her over to their house for some games, and she would walk into the living room to SEE THE PORTRAIT OF JERRY.

The girl then avoided that ward when she could.

Isn’t Provo a small world?


PS. Don’t forget to share your own stories via email! Or leave them in a comment. Visual aids always help. With your help, I know we can make Provo Dating Great Again!


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