DATING CAN BE DANGEROUS, SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL
Good evening Provo Fam,
Tonight’s edition of The Provo Chronicles comes from a local who learned first hand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of unwanted affection. This story goes out as a warning to everyone to be CAREFUL. It’s hard to know what is going on in people’s hearts and heads, and you never want to put yourself in a situation where you could be harmed!!
Usually we try to keep things light and a little sarcastic here, but sometimes it’s necessary to get serious…
This story was sent in by a girl who’s identity will not be disclosed. All names have been changed:
Karen started dating a boy named Allen around Christmas time. Their relationship was pretty up and down for the next couple of months, so Karen decided it would be best to end things when Allen told her that he was in love with her in February. She officially called it off, and while Allen was at first angry, he eventually cooled down and asked if they could remain friends.
Karen agreed and didn’t think much of it at first. But one weekend he offered to take Karen home to see her family, and being very close to her family, and knowing the drive was long to take alone, she agreed. On the drive back to Provo, Allen tried to convince Karen to take him back. He stated that he wanted to try to make it work again, and that he wanted to someday make Karen his wife.
***Author’s note: being friends with your ex is NEVER a good idea. If you were a couple and you are still talking, it means that at least one partner is still interested. It’s super NOT HEALTHY. You’ll find out why.***
Karen responded “listen, I think you need to know that I’ve moved on and I’m not interested in having a relationship with you. We had a lot of problems in our relationship and it just wasn’t working, and you wanted to get serious but I don’t feel right about that because I don’t feel like I want to marry you.”
She further explains that he had a habit of trying to get her to date him again…even after multiple confirmations that Karen didn’t love him and didn’t want that. He said he understood, but kept buying her gifts in attempts to get her to change her mind. She asked him to stop, because it was making her uncomfortable that he would buy her expensive, extravagant gifts that “friends” don’t do that kind of a thing.
Allen speculated that she would change her mind if he persisted, and Karen insisted that she would not.
She tried to be straightforward and upfront about her feelings (or lack thereof) and it just made him try harder. Eventually Karen started dating someone else, and she told Allen about it in the hopes that it would get him to back off. Unfortunately this news turned his efforts into NC17.
At one point, Allen told her that he had developed anxiety and had gotten more and more emotionally attached to her in the past couple of weeks–weeks spent consistently telling him that she wasn’t interested and to leave her alone.
He told her that his depression worsened when she pushed him away.
Karen relayed that he had guilted her into meeting with him one night because he said that his anxiety was so bad and he needed someone. He promised that he just needed a friend, and that a friend wouldn’t “abandon” him in his one of need. So she met up with him and he talked about the hard time he was having because he was so heartbroken and the anxiety was so bad. (By the way, I wouldn’t suggest talking to the person who broke your heart about that)
Allen ended the night saying “let’s go get a ring. Right now. We’ll make this thing official and public and get married!”
When she turned him down, he started having a panic attack. He began hyperventilating and she sat that, terrified. She didn’t know what to do because she was in this terrible position, and she was petrified to do anything, fearing it would make things worse.
After he finally calmed down and was ok, she left and went to her apartment without saying a word. The next night he confronted her in the parking lot where she had been walking home from work. Allen said that he didn’t like the way things ended last night and he wanted to talk about it. She tried to turn him down, but Allen wasn’t the type to take no for an answer. After some arguing, he promised that if she would just talk to her for a couple of minutes, he would leave her alone.
Karen knew that he had been messaging her roommate all day about how he couldn’t stand life without her and some scary things. She was worried about what he might do, but he offered to leave her alone, so she agreed. She got in his truck and he drove to a fountain on BYU campus, where they exchanged some small talk before he grabbed her by the shoulders. Her heart started racing for the uncertainty of his erratic behavior. Allen began telling her how much he loved her, and how despite her having a boyfriend, he just needed her to hear him.
Getting down on one knee, he pulled out a ring and proposed. She was floored. After the previous night when she told him she did NOT want to marry him, and she again, turned him down.
Dejected, he took her home, and she hoped that would finally be the end. She said no to marriage, she turned down the ring.
Unfortunately, the next morning, a delivery of sunflowers showed up on her doorstep.
Bombarded by a constant string of messages from him, Karen opted to stop responding. Messages telling her how much he needed her, how much he loved her, how dependent he was on her. He went to campus and sent pictures of the fountain he had proposed at the night before, with the promise that he would stay there until she came to see him.
Then a flood of messages from friends of Karen came in. Pictures of fliers he was handing out to students on campus with her picture and a caption saying “if you see this girl can you tell her where I am?” Someone listened to The Script a little too much…
When she didn’t respond to his messages, he began publicly posting about his predicament, and blaming her for the anxiety and depression she was causing. He stayed at BYU from about 2pm til 10pm. He sent several messages that he would keep waiting, and sent pictures of his sleeping bag…just in case she didn’t think he was serious.
Karen’s boyfriend posted a picture of their relationship on Facebook, and Allen finally sent a message that Karen’s new boyfriend looked like a cool guy, and that he was going home.
Since blocking his number, Allen had been sending Facebook messages about wanting all the things back that he had given her, (which she left on his doorstep, and then he brought back to her door,) and kept trying to guilt her into seeing him.
She wouldn’t respond. All she had wanted was for him to leave her alone. And since she wouldn’t respond to messages, he made an album of her on Facebook with over 100 pictures, each with comments he left about why he loved her and why they should be together.
With no reaction from her, he eventually sent another message that he was dropping out of school and moving back home. He blamed her for his life being in the state it was in, and she blocked him on all social medias.
So far, no further contact has been attempted.
Guys and girls, PLEASE BE WARY. Unstable people often resort to guilt, manipulation, and threats to coerce the objects of their affection to stay with them.
Girls especially, often stay in unhealthy relationships because threats of self harm or emotional abuse keep them there. If you feel unsafe, scared, or even unappreciated in your relationships, GET OUT. There is so much danger in those types of relationships. Utah has a hotline you can call if you feel unsafe: 801-521-5544, and make use of the ABILITY TO BLOCK.
People’s feelings aren’t worth risking your safety.
PS. Don’t forget to share your own stories via email! Or leave them in a comment. Visual aids always help. With your help, I know we can make Provo Dating Great Again!