TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS
What happens when you get rejected?
If you wait long enough, you might actually get an apology…
2 years after going on a few dates with a guy and rejecting his goodnight kiss, he sends her a message to not only apologize for the way he acted after the “dodge,” but to thank her for doing so.
Kate and Dave met each other living in the same complex. They seemed to hit it off, and went on a couple of dates. It was a lovely blossoming courtship until the date he went in for the kiss…and she hadn’t decided how she felt, so she swerved. It was especially unfortunate since her roommate and at least 3 other wardies were in the living room—with a perfect view of the whole scene.
Yikes. Kate reports that Dave left her house so fast he might as well have been in Harry Potter because it was basically Disapparation. Which made church a little awkward since she had become Undesirable No 1. (Can’t stop, won’t stop making HP references.) This all lasted for a hot minute, but they ended up moving to different places and not seeing each other anymore, so it didn’t really matter anymore.
Fast forward 2 years.
Dave talked about the embarrassment he felt after “[going] in for the kill too early” and then how he consciously ghosted after that. And how sorry he was for reacting that way. He continued to thank her for not reciprocating his advances. Furthermore, he recognized that his attempt to get physical too early would have likely resulted in a relationship neither of them were looking for.
At one point he clarifies that she didn’t do anything wrong by rejecting the kiss. That he wasn’t embarrassed that she turned away, but with himself because he knew in his gut it wasn’t the right time.
And “I had no self-control back then. I’m glad you stuck by your guns.”
TPC loves this story for a myriad of reasons. Mainly though, for the respect he expresses for not being physical.
The reality is, kissing isn’t wrong. But getting affectionate at an inappropriate time usually leads to being inappropriately affectionate. A paradox many men (particularly, yet not exclusively,) fail to recognize in Provo. H*ck, even outside of Happy Valley. Even Ron waited until the last book to kiss Hermione….
Typical reactions to this kind of rejection, is reported largely as gas-lighting, or guilt-tripping. As if any girl should be so lucky that she gets to be kissed by any guy that takes her out. Barf.
Kisses are not payment for a date.
Physical affection is a step to continuing a relationship. So when it becomes anything else, it gets abused. Many people don’t recognize that, but Kate did, and so did Dave. It is important to note though that on the other hand, you don’t want to wait too long. You may miss your opportunity and end up being a creepy, Gothic, child bully. Who dies without ever kissing the woman you love.
What is even more awesome about this story, is that Dave went out of his way to make amends. Even after the circumstances were in the past and forgiven. Dave may have felt awkward after so much time had passed, but he wanted to make things right by Kate. Which is commendable.
So maybe after some time, the homies in the Valley are starting to gain some perspective. Don’t be afraid to listen to your intuition. It’s rarely wrong.
PS. Don’t forget to share your own stories via email! Or leave them in a comment. Visual aids always help. With your help, I know we can make Provo Dating Great Again!