Are You a Priority or a Substitute?


Dear Prov-alone,

Have you ever watched a movie and just felt like you were actually watching your life?

Rom com’s seem to have that affect a lot. Mostly because if you couldn’t laugh at the dating mishaps in our lives, you would probably cry.

In the movie, Elizabethtown, the couple talks one night, and the female love interest drops this wisdom:

“You and I have a special talent,” Claire says to Drew. “And I saw it immediately. We’re the substitute people. I’ve been the substitute person my whole life. I’m not an Ellen a co-worker Drew was into. I never wanted to be an Ellen. And I’m not a Cindy either…I like being alone too much. I mean, I’m with a guy who is married to his academic career. I rarely see him and I’m the substitute person there. I like it that way. It’s a lot less pressure.”  

Which Drew basically calls garbage…


He is a stand up guy. And also fake. But you are real, and you can take on the same mindset.

Now, whether you care about romantic comedies or not, or you hated that particular one, you have to take into consideration in your own dating life….

Are you a priority, or are you a substitute person?

If you are dating someone who calls you when it’s convenient, and sees you only when they have time, you are their substitute. You are subbing in when they are lacking something, or when they need some type of fulfillment. You aren’t the person they are thinking about before bed, and then first thing in the morning. You aren’t the one distracting them from their work.

You are just there.

If you find yourself feeling like you are sitting around waiting for the phone to ring, it’s probably time to reevaluate.

Why would you spend your time with someone who treats you like an afterthought?

Unfortunately, that’s a pretty common trend in Provo. Over and over, people ignore bad treatment because the person they are dating is a “strong, active member.”

Just because someone is going to church, doesn’t mean they are treating you right.

It’s important that we aren’t hanging onto relationships that make us feel less than we are…just because you are afraid that you won’t find someone else who you will get along with better.

If you learn anything from romantic comedies, take this to heart: “if a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a (sh*z), he genuinely doesn’t give a (sh*z).”

**This is from He’s Just Not That Into You–different movie, prime advice though

Relationships take work, so stop being the only one putting in the effort.

Booty calls, NCMO’s, Netflix and Chill—STOP SETTLING FOR THAT.

You deserve more.

Don’t spend your time with someone who makes you feel like you have to ask for attention.

It’s okay to wait for the kind of love you want.

You are worth it.


PS. Don’t forget to share your own stories via email! Or leave them in a comment. Visual aids always help. With your help, I know we can make Provo Dating Great Again!


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