Neg-romancing: Stop Sending Your Prospects To The Grave


Dear Provalone,

As with everything else in life, dating evolves with time. Unfortunately, the same is true for the games people play in dating.

There is a certain type of dater who is known as the collector.

They are the daters that chase until feelings develop. They want attention from prospects, and they like to be liked. However, they don’t necessarily want to date any of the people they are pursuing. Because the moment the one they are chasing shows returned interest, the collector loses theirs.

As if that wasn’t annoying enough, the collectors have developed a new way of keeping people interested in them, without actually having to commit to them. It’s equally ingenious, and horrifying, and it’s called negging. And it’s most often used by those of the male persuasion.

Urban dictionary defines negging as “the offering of low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances.” It has grown from the idea that beautiful women are too sure of themselves, and they aren’t putting up with guys cr*p.




Making other people feel bad to stroke a sh*zzy ego is nothing new.

But if you find yourself interested in someone who constantly gives you backhanded compliments, invites you over to see them flirting with someone else, or just in general, acts like a real a-hole (sorry for the harsh letter,)–RUN.

If the person you’re feeling is actually into you, they aren’t going to make you feel bad about yourself when you’re with them.

When someone wants to date you–rather than collect you–they are going to do whatever they can to make you feel like you are WORTHWHILE. Like you are the greatest thing that ever happened to them. They will treat you that way because they will honestly feel that way.

Collectors don’t get better with time, either.

Even if they end up committing to you, and for heaven knows what reason, you go for that, you’ve still lost. Because they view themselves as the victors. As if THEY are the prize.

“You are so lucky to be dating me,” is the song they will sing to you over and over.

And it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are a wonderful human being who got caught in a snare, laid by the cowardly. That’s what it really comes down to. Cowardice. Brave humans don’t treat each other like dirt because they don’t need to.

You’re worth more than petty insults to stay interested in someone that just wants someone to be interested in them.

Keep looking.

It’s better to be alone than to be with anyone who limits you.


PS. Don’t forget to share your own stories via email! Or leave them in a comment. Visual aids always help. With your help, I know we can make Provo Dating Great Again!


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