Every once in a while, someone comes along that changes you.
This person is the one you love with everything you have, and then one day…they break you. In a way you’ve never been hurt before.
Despite putting the pieces back together, you’re never really the same.
Relationships, dates, and other people in general just look a little different now.
And when that happens, it’s easy to become cynical.
You go out on dates and assume everyone is going to break your heart again. Or you refuse to go on dates at all because the likelihood of someone letting you down is too much to handle.
Either way, with people or alone, you are in hiding. You’ve convinced yourself that it’s a protective measure, so you don’t see any reason to change your mindset. That way, when you do go out with someone a few times, and they DO end up ghosting you, you can say “I knew this was going to happen,” and you validate your cynicism.
Which makes you MORE cynical.
After a while, you find yourself stuck in a hole of darkness. Because it’s easier to remain detached than to chance another earth shattering heartbreak.
I was in that hole.
I was in that hole for about a year and a half.
I felt dark, and generally disenchanted with romance, dating…even marriage.
Even going on dates, there was a level that I refused to let anyone get to, because I sincerely didn’t see the point.
You’ve probably been there, and you may even be feeling all of this right now. And what’s worse is that you’re probably completely justified. Chances are, you are going out with people who are treating you terribly. Which only irritates the wound you’ve been nursing from your devastating heartbreak.
So what can you do?
You take take a right turn into Sapsville bc this is about to get REAL sappy.
I want to share something personal on here in hopes that it will help you.
My birthday was last Friday. Which, if you know me at all, you probably heard about wayyyy more than you wanted to. Now, you may think it’s silly for a 25 year old to still throw a birthday party and make such a big deal out of this one day.
And you could be right.
Cynical, dark, slightly sinister me would even agree with you. Because, ultimately, who really cares?
The real me.
The me that is a hopeless romantic. The me that believes she could meet the love of her life in an airport, where we end up flying to the same city and running into each other at a grocery store.
Or the me that secretly still wishes on shooting stars and holds her breath under tunnels.
The me that believes birthdays are exciting and getting lost on dirt roads is romantic.
Life is hard and people will let you down.
But that doesn’t mean you have to change the way you look at things. You can still believe in magic and love and romance–regardless of the cr*ppy dates and d*uchey behaviors some hosers exhibit.
The thing is, dating is hard BECAUSE we take on these mindsets.
We assume this person is going to play us, so we play them first. Or that person is going to ghost us so we ghost them. So often, we preemptively sabotage ourselves because we are so afraid of being sabotaged.
So, stop it. STOP BEING SO D*NG CYNICAL ABOUT EVERYONE.
Believe that your next date is going to be the greatest date of your life. Believe that your next first kiss is going to be your last first kiss.
Honestly, the best thing you can do right now, is just FORGIVE.
Forgive that person that broke you.
Forgive everyone else who HAS been disrespecting you, using you, and manipulating you. You know they have. I know they have. They know they have. But how much control are you going to give them over your life?
Forgive yourself. You did dumb things, and you probably hurt someone else. You let yourself fall for that dumb line. But you are just someone that’s trying to find something wonderful.
Seriously, say a prayer to forgive the players for playing, and the Provo Allstars for their general existence.
You may be surprised how your dating life starts to turn around.
When life and other (imperfect) humans let you down, you have two choices.
Either you let yourself lay in a fresh bed of anger and frustration–or you do the most difficult thing any person can do: believe again.
That means stepping beyond those things that broke your heart in the first place: abuse, hypocrisy, insecurity.
Which is not to say that you need to say “I love you” at the drop of a hat. However, it IS okay to give everyone the same chance to be good to you. To eventually build a love and a life with you.
If you aren’t even giving people a chance, how can they show you love?
PS. Don’t forget to share your own stories via email! Or leave them in a comment. Visual aids always help. With your help, I know we can make Provo Dating Great Again!